Pikeynet reviews~ Iles des Borromées

Area: Stresa, Italy
Price guide: £300/night
Stay: 1 night during a driving holiday of Italy

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What to say about Ile des Borromées? Well, if you've seen it's website you'll see it looks really impressive and, well.. it is. But to me I thought it was a bit plastic, a bit "Vegas", a bit impressive to people who are impressed by shiny things. I know that makes me sound like a pompous arse, but I don't care – my thoughts, my review, my website!

Iles de Borromees is listed as a five star "luxe" hotel and with its impressive list of facilities it does look pretty good. Its location on the front of the lake Maggiore in the beautiful Stresa looks good as well, as do the bedrooms, dining and gardens.

Driving to the hotel you pass along the front of what truly is beautiful lake, and it is a very nice drive that you want to take slowly. As you approach the hotel you're immediately taken with how Grand it looks - very 1920s! The vehicle entrance is at the rear and you drive into another, equally impressive entrance. A concierge meets you and takes care of the car and luggage as you walk in to the check in area. At that point you reel back in a "Wow!" moment thinking that they've gone over the top.

The reception desk is a bit like a joke - 'Disneyland' was the first word out of my mouth. I'm sure some would say "how ornate" and "so regal", but it looked like the bloke who designed it had a brother who had an ornamental mouldings factory and as he presented the plans said "yeah, this is what you want. Classy, real classy! The tourists will love it!". Hmm…

So anyway, the staff were polite enough and we were shown up to our room. But... as we were walking down the corridor with the biggest chandeliers we've ever seen, we didn't get further than the lift before another "WOW" moment! The bloke with the ornamental moulding company owning brother had clearly seen his nepotism plan working well as sitting on the top of the lift door were the biggest monstrosity ever of cherubs and feathers and gargoils and.. “stuff”! They were almost bigger than the door itself! Okaaaaaay :) At our floor, the corridor had a lot more fake regal bling but was nice enough.

When the door opened to the room we were impressed. The room was spacious, well equipped, nicely decorated (actually tastefully, strangely enough) and with an absolutely stunning view. This was actually a gorgeous room - immaculately presented. The bathroom was a bit bling with a little too much fake gold and fake marble, but had a nice big whirlpool bath and shower.

We went for a walk and found all the facilities listed, although a few of them looked rather tired and in need of a makeover. Still, there was a decent, comprehensive list of things to do.

Stresa is easy to enjoy - it is beautiful, clean, empty and seemingly lacking in tourists. Whilst walking along we were amused by the frequent signs showing you what exercise you should do at that point. We laughed, but if you ran along here each day and did the exercises on the signs, you'd be in a pretty good shape in no time!
Stresa's a little odd in that it has some gorgeous buildings with amazing views and grounds, abandoned. I don't know what the story was with these as there were quite a few, which seems madness. We found a cable car and took this to the top where we found ski lifts, nice bars and great views. Seems that mountain biking is popular here - hiring one, taking it in the cable car to the top and biking down looks like great fun & we wished we'd done this. There were a fair few parapenting from the top which is fascinating to watch. Looks like an incredible buzz! We found a nice bar up there, had a drink and took the cable car back.

In the evening we ate at 8:30, which it turns out was a problem as they closed at 9. A restaurant that closes that early in a hotel rated 5* L is unusual. What is more unusual is that the staff are really eager to get you fed and out of there! The meal experience was "bloody awful" (he says in a typically English accent!).

Firstly the staff rushed us to order, and then only a small selection was available from the main course. When the main course was brought out, the two staff peeked under the silver lid, looked and said to each other "I don't know - do you know?", then opened them at the same time, said "surprise!", giggled and walked away. It was actually a lamb dish, which was chewy, bland and unappetising. The wine was spilt on the table looking really very bloody (not a drip, not once, many times). Staff would hang around far too near the table chatting loudly about their personal life (this was the most annoying element). We were continually rushed, and only 2 items were available from the desert menu - "well you did come down to dinner late Sir" being the reply.

And the price for this meal? £120. I was not happy and trying not to be typically British and not complain I asked to speak to the head waiter (my female companion walked off in one of those horrid moments where you have to chose to a) not get ripped off and say something, or b) be romantic, and get ripped off). The response from the head waiter was most disappointing; he argued with me firstly saying I had come down to dinner late, then that no-one else thought the food was poor, the waiters were trained to the highest level and I had no idea what I was saying… and the piece de resistance "have you stayed in a 5* hotel before Sir?". I couldn't believe it! I told him I wanted to make a complaint, would not be paying for the meal and to please refer it to the manager where I would pick it up with him/her tomorrow.

When we checked out I enquired about the evening's meal where they said there was no record of my dissatisfaction and I should have raised this with the head waiter last night. When I said that I did, I was told that it was Maître d' who I’d spoken to and he did not know I was unhappy! The receptionist said the only way to resolve was through the hotel manager who was out. But if we'd like to wait, we'd be welcome. With time as short as it was, and already having 2 days of our holiday taken away by the AA's bumbling incompetence, I paid the full bill and left. “Please do come back again” was the parting comment. Hmm..

So in a nutshell, it's a well equipped hotel with tired facilities, amazing views and terrible restaurant with rude senior staff and interior decoration to impress only a poorly educated American who's never been to Europe before. Oh and it's set in a gorgeous town.

Grand Hotel? Yes. The genuine article? No. Schloss Bensberg is a true Grand Hotel - with very best trained staff and service as refined as it possibly can be. Ile des Borromées doesn't come near as a comparison and is basically a fake – with ornamental mouldings sprinkled on top.


 

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